well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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