Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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