How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the day after is always just damage control
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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