I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Someone signed my nipple.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
