think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
