Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
