just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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