its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
