No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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