shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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