Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
