We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
