Jerry, you need to find god
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
