The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
