I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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