Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
