i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
