But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
