Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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