Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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