Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
