PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
