This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
