Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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