never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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