In America we eat man semen.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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