I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
