then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize