Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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