Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize