A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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