God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
