So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
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Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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