Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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