she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
