i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
