12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
