a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
