It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
