omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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