Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
