If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
