I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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