I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
