Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
