When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
