You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
