Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
