just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
