I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize