kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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