I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize