fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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