I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
there is puke in my bra ... again
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