I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
