What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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