Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
