it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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