i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
