whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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