you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
